If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
