and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize