p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
