Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
