So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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