home. puking in laundry basket.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
