Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
