Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
