Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
