You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
