i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
