Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
