I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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