my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I see more hoeing in ur future
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