Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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