Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
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