wat bout pragnant strippers??
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How does one acquire holy water?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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