Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
