Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
