we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
