I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
