I wanna passion pit in your ass
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
