My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
