So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
