there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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