I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
