I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
