I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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