Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher

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  (734): Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher http://tfl.nu/nr2j
  Replies (22) Good night (704) Bad night (2842)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.

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  (404): He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like. http://tfl.nu/89fc
  Replies (40) Good night (632) Bad night (4241)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.

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  (716): Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise. http://tfl.nu/ygq6
  Replies (14) Good night (4639) Bad night (716)
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  (310): View more from California

  Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.

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  (310): Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers. http://tfl.nu/s498
  Replies (4) Good night (3677) Bad night (1213)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.

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  (740): i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/envw
  Replies (55) Good night (8486) Bad night (1269)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession

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  (501): All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession http://tfl.nu/yu57
  Replies (5) Good night (2477) Bad night (763)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  That was beautiful.

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  (775): True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate. (1-775): That was beautiful. http://tfl.nu/d63d
  Replies (4) Good night (1630) Bad night (1104)
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  (916): View more from California

  I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.

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  (916): I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother. http://tfl.nu/2nlw
  Replies (2) Good night (916) Bad night (599)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.

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  (541): We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin. http://tfl.nu/h15a
  Replies (4) Good night (730) Bad night (502)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?

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  (917): Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now? http://tfl.nu/50ap
  Replies (2) Good night (1361) Bad night (445)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7

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  (330): Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7 http://tfl.nu/w1wq
  Replies (4) Good night (1115) Bad night (1031)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.

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  (905): Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk. http://tfl.nu/f6av
  Replies (3) Good night (830) Bad night (452)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  dont eat that thats our sex nutella.

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  (208): dont eat that thats our sex nutella. http://tfl.nu/y04n
  Replies (10) Good night (1050) Bad night (474)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD

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  (203): she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard (203): GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD http://tfl.nu/qncq
  Replies (1) Good night (966) Bad night (694)
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  (818): View more from California

  I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian

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  (818): I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian http://tfl.nu/ltmu
  Replies (3) Good night (405) Bad night (261)

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