Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?