just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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