I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
