The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk