i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...