wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Your penis caused this!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
