so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
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My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in