I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.