i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.