i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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