Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
