Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
