i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
