We won't sleep together?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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