OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
