wakey wakey hands off snakey
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
