dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
