i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
