Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
