I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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