cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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