Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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