So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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