Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
