Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
