Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
