Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
