you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
whose parrot is this?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
