We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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