There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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