that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
