When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
