I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
