You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
And then my night got REAL pukey
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
