I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
