I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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