fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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