didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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