Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
