my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
