I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
