She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
