i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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