hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My cat gives me a boner
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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