I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
