So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
