I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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