I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
