I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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