I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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