i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
