He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
