This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
