sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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