im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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