the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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